Mom, I’m Not Like You

I bought this because my daughter and I had gotten to the point where every question I asked seemed to make her shut down. I changed two really small things after reading it. Nothing dramatic. But she comes into my room again just to talk, and I honestly can't remember the last time she did that before.

This is the first parenting book I've read that didn't make me feel like I had another job to do. I actually felt calmer when I finished it. I interfere less, I don't turn every mood into a conversation, and somehow I have more energy for myself at the end of the day too.

Finished it on Sunday. On Tuesday my daughter and I sat in the driveway talking for almost 40 minutes after we got home. Normally she's out of the car before I've even turned it off. Maybe coincidence, but I'll take it.

I have three kids and somehow I could see a different one of them in different parts of this book. But the uncomfortable part was how often I saw myself. There were several times I closed the book for a minute and thought, "Oh. I do that." That alone was worth reading it.

The strange thing is that our home hasn't changed that much. The kids are still loud, someone is still annoyed about something, and I still repeat myself more than I'd like. I'm just not carrying all of it anymore. I know better now which moments actually need me and which ones don't. That has given me back more peace than I expected.

I bought this for help with my kids and somehow ended up thinking about my husband too. I didn't expect that part at all. We had gotten so used to talking about schedules, school, groceries, who needed to be where. A few things in this book made me notice that. We've actually started making time for each other again.

I thought I was buying one of those books I'd highlight for a week and then forget. Instead I stayed up way too late because I wanted to keep reading about this family. The useful parts don't really feel like lessons while you're reading them. Then three days later you're standing in your kitchen with your teenager and suddenly remember one.

My son is 16 and for months I took every "fine" and "I don't know" personally. I was always trying to get more out of him. I stopped doing that after this book. He's not suddenly telling me everything, but he talks to me more than he did before. More importantly, I don't spend the whole evening wondering what I did wrong anymore.

My husband asked me last week why things felt less tense at home. I laughed because I hadn't told him I was trying anything differently. I'm reacting less, listening longer, and not treating every problem like it needs to be solved that second. It has changed the way I am with him too, not just the kids.

I originally bought it because of what was happening with my oldest, but honestly I would have enjoyed this even if I wasn't looking for parenting advice. It reads like somebody's life rather than somebody explaining motherhood to you. I finished it quickly, then caught myself thinking about little scenes from it days later.